My Week In Skyrim

Despite the pure awesomeness of comic books, I do have room in my life for other pleasures. I like V8 Fusion juice. There's a whole serving of both fruits and vegetable in one can. Socks bring me joy. The more outlandish, the better. One thing very near and dear to my soul though, is video games. Other than comic books, games have probably had the biggest impact on my life.

The line to get the game at midnight

Before I found the wonderment of getting lost on an epic quest, I was on the fast track to becoming a world-class athlete. Bobby Bowden would come watch my recreation league games when I was a wee tot playing for the Dairy Queen Knights just to ensure his continued dominance at Florida State. Final Fantasy VII would change all that though when my mom bought it for me as a reward for getting straight As on my report card. The greatest video game ever made quickly took over my life and my very being. The way I acted, talked, and thought would reflect every experience I had in my over 200 hours of playing time. So when Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim came out over 10 years later on November 11, 2011 (11/11/11), I knew I couldn't pass up another potentially life-changing opportunity. I turned in my week-long vacation request and hunkered down to begin another worldly adventure.



Prior to embarking on such a journey, one immensely important decision must be made. How do I want my character to look? This will be the visual representation of yourself in the video game. You don't want to look weak, stupid, or unfit to the over 1,000 characters inhabiting the world you're soon to explore. Make sure you create someone you can be proud to be associated with. After an hour of contemplation I finally decided to make myself a Dark Elf, medium build, long white hair, and purple eyes. Yes, this avatar will do fine. This...Champion.

Make sure you're ready to dedicate yourself to this game. Once you start, it will take control of your life. Say goodbye to daylight, healthy meals, and fun with friends. I missed out on a fun night at the Partridge Inn where it looks like Parrish humped a stranger in the back of the head and taking my trademark shots of Qream at Bar on Broad. Oh well though. Skyrim would more than make up for it.

Day 1 - Blind Ambition

My quest begins just as any does. With ambition in my eyes and awe in my heart. The beauty of the landscape and potential for exploration. I take it all in. Oh blessed ignorance. Ironically enough, I quickly found that my week of vacation would be far more work than one under employ. Immediately I am captured as a prisoner of war and sent to the executioner with the leader of the rebellion, Ulfric Stormcloak. I do not know this man. Wrong place, wrong time. Just as my appointment with the void arrives, so too does a dragon. The incredible beast wreaks havoc on the town. The army is in utter dismay and is quickly obliterated. I owe this dragon a debt of gratitude. Or do I?

Quickly I find out dragons are no saviors at all. Quite the opposite really. The tales of yore speak of the the World-Eater. Alduin, the first dragon. I need to make a name for myself. This dragon I shall hunt down. This world I shall save.

Something very interesting happens when I slay my first dragon. He speaks to me. In a tongue that only I can understand. Even more peculiar is my ability to absorb its soul. It makes me feel powerful. So powerful. What am I?

I hear tales of dragon priests that may be able to help me better understand myself. I must see them. But they live so far in the mountains. For now, the road is too dangerous. I must build my strength. Doing some quests to help out some townsfolk will help. I slay bandits, find lost relics, and restore honor to sullied family names. Surely I am ready for the mountain trek.

Day 2 - A Hero Humbled

Nothing can stop me. An entire day spent doing menial tasks have built up my strength. Not once have I encountered any force I couldn't quash. Up the mountain to seek guidance from the Greybeard dragon priests is my next move.

A giant! Oh what a monstrosity. Nothing harms it. Nothing slows it. I am helpless against its power and speed. His strikes send me rolling in the deep chasms of the mountainside. My first defeat. What a bitter taste. Never again shall I feast on such a foul meal.

The giant beats me again. In my anger, I throw my controller down and fall out of my chair. Why can't I beat the game? Why????????

My strategy is clearly not working. I am not ready to see the Greybeards and find out my destiny. Rumor has it that there is a college in the north. A college for mages. I like magic. Maybe that's what I need. The College of Winterhold, prepare to meet your finest student.

More random side quests. This is beneath me. I need the help of these mages though, so I do what they ask of me. I will find your lost amulet, test your new spells, and gather your potion ingredients.

A plot! One of the mages seeks ultimate power. He murders the Arch Mage and tries to tap into the Eye of Magnus. Not without his Stave you don't.

The traitor was easily dispelled. My heroism proves valiant. I am the easy choice for new Arch Mage of the College. My time there has been well spent. My fire magic is twice as strong and I have become quite the conjurer. Surely I am ready for the mountain trek now.

Day 3 - Destiny's Answer

Oh you pitiful giant. So easy were you to defeat. Nothing could stop the turning tables of the combined might of my firebolts, archery, and conjured fire monster.

I arrive at the summit of the Greybeards. An impressive temple. None but one talks to me. Are they being rude? What's their deal?

My first impression of the Greybeards was ignorant. They proved incredibly helpful. They only speak the language of dragons. Except for one. The one who could speak with me told me of my destiny.

The call me Dovahkiin. The dragonborn. Only I have the power to truly rid Skyrim of the dragons. Their souls are strong even after defeat. They always return. Unless I take their souls. I know what I must do. If I defeat the World-Eater in battle and take his soul, I can ensure he will never trouble the world again. How do I find him though?

Day 4 - Joy and Contempt

I am quickly contacted by an ancient organization of dragon hunters called The Blades. No doubt they've heard my impressive tales. They tell me of an ancient artifact that might show me the way to Alduin the World-Eater. I must find it.

Ooooooo!!! The Thieves Guild. I love the Thieves Guild. I will take a break from my quest and join in the fun of thievery and espionage.

I quickly rise in the ranks of the Thieves Guild. Clinging to the shadows and residing in the silence comes natural to me. This is how I should perform all my quests from now on.

Before long, I find out the Thieves Guild has quests of honor too. Bore. I shall finish these quickly and then go on about my business. The world will not save itself.

Day 5 - Respite

It feels like millenia since I have had any form of personal communication in the real world. The only way anyone knows I'm still alive is through Twitter and my awesome tweets. I must pause the game and step out in into the light.

It burns!!! What is it, like 400 degrees. This is November.

Costco is every bit as dangerous as the world of Skyrim. Countless cars waiting for parking spots, hundreds of people jabbering on in the densely populated aisles, and oh so many useless products. No one wants to make their own soda pop. I bring my mother along. She loves it. She goes to every vender to see how every machine works and snacks on every bit of food. Maybe she thinks this is a buffet. Yeah, a buffet of agony.

Despite the lack of awesomeness, it was good to get away from the game for a little bit. I realize I miss my workmates. Lynnsey hassling police officers. Claire's dance moves. Parrish's incredibly inappropriate sexual poses. Curry saying weird things. Sarah stealing the way I narrate my life through the art of song.

I return to Skyrim. Maybe the experience at Costco has taught me something. I may be a fearsome warrior, but I am a fool when it comes to domesticated living. What will I do when I can no longer quest. I don't want to be alone and living a miserable way of life.

I decide to take on a bride. Brelyna Maryon. A dark elf from the College of Winterhold. She's been my travel companion for quite some time now and has proved quite useful. She seems into me too, so I figure I'll throw her a bone (so to speak).

Brelyna stays at home now that we're together. I can't have my wife out on dangerous quests. Something could happen to her. So now she runs a potion store and cooks my dinner for me. Doesn't sing a lovesong though. I like returning home every now and then because her dinner gives me power bonuses and every time I go to sleep to recharge my health, I awaken to a message that says "You awake to your lover's comfort." Oooooohhhh yeahhhhhh. Still, I can't return home every night. Like I said, the world isn't going to save itself.

I am quickly able to find the way to Alduin. I also learn a method to ground dragons, keeping them out of the sky and thus easier to fight. The World-Eater never stood a chance against me. I have braved the horrors of Costco, World-Eater. You are nothing to me.

I jump for joy and shout the way Lebron James does after a big slam dunk. Have I finished? Is this game beaten? The music doesn't stop. I think my journey continues.

Alduin flees. My quest is not over yet. The coward has retreated to restore his power. In a most horrific way.

Day 6 - Mission Accomplished

Feeling my goal is nearly reached, I awake early in the morning to get a jump on my quest. How foolish of me to think it over so early. The pursuit of Alduin proves to be multiple hours of more gameplay. Fine by me.

The Greybeards tell me where Alduin has gone. He gets his power from the souls of man. That is why he wants to destroy all of us. An atrocity! To fully recharge himself, Alduin has gone to another plane where the souls of fallen warriors all gather to feast in the afterlife. It would be Alduin who would feast though, not unlike my mom at Costco.

I enlist the help of one of Alduin's lieutenants to get me to the dead warriors feast. Of course he did not do so without a fight. I capture him and threaten eternal imprisonment if he does not fly me to his master's location.

It was all child's play once I found my rival again. I beat him once and I can beat him again. Sure, he's fully powered now after dining on the souls of dead warriors like the dreaded Disir of Asgardian lore. These warrior souls still have some fight in them though, and their valor would not let them sit idly by as I took on the World-Eater again. Don't you remember how this turned out last time, nemesis?

Storms erupt. Clouds give way, but my firebolts set fire to the rain as they hit Alduin. A thunderous roar. The ground beneath quakes with a fury. The beast has fallen. I approach with the haste of Hermes and strike with my Bound Blade. After 58 hours, 43 minutes, and 36 seconds, I have defeated the enemy of all of Skyrim. The world is safe. You are welcome.

My journey is not over though. That was only the main quest. The world is safe, but there are still people out their who need the Dragonborn's help. Countries in strife. Powers attained.

Day 7 - Neverending Journey

I awake with an immense sense of accomplishment. I have just beaten what is most likely the best game to come out in the last 5 years. Even better, I am probably the first grown man to do so in Augusta, seeing how most adults have better things to do. Whatever. I don't. And I'm not done.

Without the weight of the world on my shoulders, I am able to do anything I wish in the world of Skyrim. First up, the Companions.

Seeing how everyone's favorite movie came out today, I felt joining the Companions would be a most fitting jester to honor Twilight: Breaking Dawn. Why? you ask. Well the Companions are a group of warriors who have chosen to become werewolves to help them better protect people. I too became a werewolf. Owwwwwoooooooo!

The main threat to the Companions is a group calling themselves the Silver Hand. They see werewolves as an abomination. I say werewolves can be good people too. So you must die, Silver Hand. I strike. They strike back, but harder. Our leader falls. A truly tragic tale because he wanted to cure himself of his werewolf nature before he died. He won't go to the afterlife the way he wished to. I will avenge him. The Silver Hand's act of retaliation only drew my ire. I would ensure their cold blades would never feel the warmness of blood again. I slew them all. Easily. Our leader was on to something though. I don't want to be a werewolf. What would my wife think? So I cured myself.

Keeping with the Twilight theme, I kill countless vampires and collect their dust for potions. They are so weak.

Maybe being a werewolf infected me with a taste for blood. Maybe it was there all along. Regardless, I have it now. The Dark Brotherhood is the perfect organization for me. Hired hitmen of Skyrim. I quickly get quite the compelling mark. The one and only Emperor of all of Tamriel (the empire Skyrim belongs to). This will be fun.

Killing an emperor is no small task. Someone like you could never pull it off. Only a true professional could accomplish such a feat. Especially if you want to do it delicately, like I do. I need to lure him to Skyrim. Just so happens that his cousin is to wed a ruler in Skyrim. I go to the wedding and introduce an arrow to her heart at the reception.

The Emperor wants his vengeance. He comes to Skyrim personally. To find his whereabouts I steal the itinerary off one of his most trusted lieutenants. After I slay the lieutenant, I frame him for the murder of the Emperor's cousin. Child's play.

He never knew what hit him. I infiltrated his ship silently. Took down his guards methodically. Walked right into his room and shot an arrow through the neck. Never even saw it coming.

---

What a week. It may have actually been more work than actually going to work, but it was so worth it. I may not feel like a new man like the way I did after playing Final Fantasy VII, but those games only come once in a lifetime. Skyrim came close though. But it's not even finished. I still have to either quash the rebellion or destroy the imperial army. I haven't finished building my wonderful dragon armor yet. And I'm sure there are still hundreds of quests that need questing. Also, I'll be waiting for those expansion packs offering up more quests and skills.

Leave a comment about our adventure. Like Button Gwinnett signing the Declaration of Independence, it will make you feel like part of the epic journey as well.